i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
