Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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