I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
