Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize