Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't notice because vodka
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
