Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
