where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
