Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize