I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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