operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
