i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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