If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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