I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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