i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
