i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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