i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
