Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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