i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
