Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
