Moan for me like Helen Keller
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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