I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
