Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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