Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
