great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
