he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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