I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
