There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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