You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
