you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
