I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
