When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
