tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
