if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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