Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
