the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
