I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize