Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
