i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
