So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Terrible idea I love it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
