I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
