I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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