So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
