Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
