Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize