Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
