You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
