and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
