Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
