worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
