Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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