Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
