guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize