I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
