There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
