there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
