just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize