if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
