i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
