I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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