i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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