There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
