i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can text with my tongue
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
