I just made out with a guy for $7.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
