bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
